Fragments
by obviously394
Summary: Prequel to my story 'Try Until You Can't'. Hermione has a choice to make.


***

Hermione is not sure when it started.

The important thing, she thinks, is that it did.

All she can say with any kind of certainty was that it happened sometime during her fifth year. She suspects that it had somethign to do with how well Harry handled the DA. And perhaps, she admits only rarely, it was sparked by her jealousy of Cho Chang. They aren't terribly dissimilar-

But Cho is undoubtedly prettier. And, of course, there's always the lure of the mysterious.

Not that it really matters anymore. She lov- she cares for Ron, and he's good to her, and when he kneels before her in the Atrium after work she says yes.

Ginny said yes too, after all.

*

She doesn't really want to be planning her wedding. To Ron. But.

What she hates most is that it's Mrs Weasley- and, of course, Ginny- planning her wedding. Is it even her wedding? Even if it was the first Weasley wedding since Bill's.

Hermione doesn't want to be married at the Burrow, and at least she wins that battle. She's dreamed of getting married (to Harry) in a cathedral. She doesn't care that it will have to be a Muggle wedding. Ron does.

*

Another reason, she thinks, is slightly more childish.

She has always wanted a hero. She, the insufferable bookworm, dreams of being a fair lady. Viktor gave her that, but only for one night. Just a superficial change.

She wants more than that. She wants Harry.

*

Hermione picks her bridesmaids. Mrs Weasley told her that she may have four, just like Ginny's going to have in her own wedding, a month after Hermione's.

She does not ask Ginny to be her maid of honor. Instead, she asks Hannah Longbottom; they've grown close in the last few years.

Ginny is, of course, a bridesmaid.

*

She wonders what is keeping Harry and Ginny together. After all, she never really thought them particularly suited, always thought it would just be a short-lived romance.

Of course, she thought the same about herself and Ron.

Harry, she thinks, needs a girl with more substance. Like her. She squashes the hope.

Harry needs someone who's suffered. Not that Ginny hasn't. She has. But.

Harry needs someone who has at least an idea of what its like to be Harry Fucking Potter. Hermione and Ron are the only ones who come close to understanding.

*

Hermione picks out her bridesmaids' dresses first. Dresses, not robes, because it's a Muggle wedding, because, whether Ron likes it or not, Hermione was born and raised in the Muggle world and she won't turn her back on her roots. Even if Ron wants her to; and she knows he does.

Harry wouldn't ask that of her. He understands, even if his own childhood is something he would prefer to forget.

Hermione chooses a rich emerald green for her bridesmaids. Long, satiny gowns. It is, among other things, one of the only colours that flatters all four of them.

Ginny, Luna, Hannah, and cousin Annabelle; the girl Ron has titled 'That Muggle'.

He doesn't pay much attention when Hermione berates him. He never does.

*

On New Year's Eve, not at midnight, Harry and Hermione are both a little drunk and they're dancing not quite together, and Hermione's not thinking clearly.

But she's surprised when he kisses her back, for eight glorious seconds. She's not surprised when Harry pushes her away, and tells her again and again that it was a mistake, and they shouldn't have, and sorry, he's a little drunk.

When Ron comes around to kiss her at midnight, he's too drunk to notice the tears.

*

Mrs Weasley doesn't approve, but Hermione doesn't care. She says she only wants Harry to come along for a man's opinion, and of course it can't be Ron. Really, she wants Harry to be the first man to see her in her wedding dress.

Because he can't be the last. And she wanted him to be.

She rejects all of Mrs Weasley's suggestions- all lace and tulle and innocence Hermione no longer has. Ginny's choices are no better.

That's what makes Hermione suspect it, that Ginny knows her brother's fiancee is in love with her own. Ginny's an intelligent girl. She knows that a dropped waist, or a v neckline, will do nothing for Hermione's figure, but Weasleys are known for their persistance.

It's what put Hermione in this situation. Engaged. To /Ron/.

When she finds The Dress- crisp and elegant and not white-as-snow - it's Harry's reaction she watches for.

*

Harry looks at her as though - as though she matters.

It isn't the sort of look Ron has for her- want and expectation and 'honor and obey'.

Instead, it's familiar and strange, heated and full of something she doesn't dare put a name to.

It isn't how he looks at Ginny. Those looks are tender and gentle and just a little possessive.

And now, she knows that she'll never get over him, never be able to look at him and accept that he's Ginny's.

*

The wedding rehearsal goes smoothly. Hermione's surprised, given that it's directed by a Weasley.

As the priest talks the pale bride and her blushing groom through their vows, she finds herself looking at the man she loves.

Hermione whispers that she'll love and honor (Harry) for as long as they both shall live.

The rehearsal dinner doesn't go so well.

Hermione finds herself in the shadow of the Burrow. She's a little drunk.

Harry follows her.

"Hello, Hermione," he says.

So benign, so very ordinary, Hermione thinks, but she can't help the small thrill when she hears him say her name.

"Harry, I-"

The words are struggling to escape her throat. /Harry, I love you. I've always loved you. I'll never stop loving you. I've tried. I can't./

But the words are swallowed up in Harry's kiss, and for the smallest fragment of eternity Hermione feels whole, with Harry's hands burning against her skin, his embrace the only thing keeping her sane.

Hermione isn't surprised when he pulls away.

"I can't, Hermione, I can't do this. Not to Ginny. I just- I'm sorry."

And Harry steps out of the shadows, and it's only a short distance into Ginny's arms.

And Hermione's choice is made for her. 


End file.
